How to Recover From a Bad First Impression

How to Recover From a Bad First Impression

Have you ever met someone new, and almost immediately realized you had made a bad first impression?

Maybe you made an off-color joke, were obviously inebriated, or came on too strong. Or maybe you put off an impression that you were not all that interested, even if perhaps you were. If any of these things have happened to you, then you’ve probably realized that you have to decide very quickly what you should do about it.

Bad first impressions are nothing to scoff at. They are a big deal. A bad first impression can set a tone for an entire relationship. I’m sure you can think of people you’ve known for years who made a bad first impression on you, and you still remember it years later.

Whether justified or not, these bad impressions have a tendency to sink in, and they can lead to fewer opportunities, limit your income and advancement chances at work, create an unfavorable reputation in your community, or ruin any chance you had of progressing your relationship with a beautiful lady you just met.

what you can and should do if you try to make a good first impression, but fail. Should you acknowledge the bad impression and apologize? Or should you just move on? Should you go to extra lengths to try to make up for it, perhaps even going so far as to write an apology note?

Have no fear, men. The answers to these questions lie below. If you’ve made a bad first impression, it’s not the end of the world. It’s happened to all of us, and you can recover. Here’s how:

Strategies for Recovering from a Bad First Impression

1. Decide Whether or Not to Take Action


Before you decide how to address a bad first impression, you must first ask whether it’s necessary to respond at all. Not all bad first impressions are created equal. Who you were trying to impress will have an impact on whether or not you decide to take action to remedy your stumble.

If you just met someone on the street or if it’s a person you casually met at a cocktail party and you made a bad impression, then the best response might be no response. “I’m all about building a confident first impression but sometimes people get too caught up in having to make a perfect first impression.

If the relationship is not one that is all that important for your business or for you personally, then you might just need to let it go. “We all make bad first impressions. It’s just human nature,” “We have a bad day. Does it really matter to try to fix it? Is it really a big deal? If not, let it go.”

On the other hand, if the person was really important to you — like a new boss, a VIP, a future in-law, or even a date you were excited about — then how you respond is of course of much greater importance.


If in fact the relationship does merit some kind of response, then the following tips will get you back on track.

2. Take Swift Action and Apologize Immediately


The first thing you should know about first impressions is that they are formed very quickly. In fact, they are made faster than most of us realize. “Research shows that when making a new contact, we decide if we like someone — and people do the same with us — within a fraction of a second.

Because first impressions are made so quickly, your reaction needs to be quick as well – once you decide you are going to take action, proceed to do so as soon as possible.

The first and most obvious approach for recovering from a bad first impression is to immediately apologize. Often it is not the transgression, but the lack of contrition, which causes greater lingering bitterness or hard feelings. So apologizing swiftly can avoid this problem.

But face-to-face apologies can be tricky because Americans tend to be a proud bunch, and other communities around the globe can be even more prideful. Many people view it as a sign of weakness or embarrassment to apologize face-to-face. But an apology does not need to be a sign of weakness, if you remember that your apology is simply a tool for preserving and extending your relationship, which is ultimately in service of deepening human connection.

If your pride does get in the way of apologizing immediately face-to-face, then your “apology” can also take different forms, such as:

Ask for the person’s opinion/advice. For example, you could simply ask what they think of the event you are both at, or why they came. Or you could ask for their advice on what they would do in a certain situation. Engaging a person’s opinion can be viewed as a sign of respect and deference, which may serve the same purpose as an apology in diffusing wounds caused by the initial poor impression.
If you are at a social event, offer to get the person a drink or something from the food table. While this is not the same as apologizing, it is a form of nonverbal communication which conveys humility and gratitude.

Explain an excusable reason for your bad first impression, such as not getting much sleep or working long hours at the office lately. You don’t want to be seen as passing the buck by making excuses, but there could be legitimate reasons for why you’re off your game.

3. Admit Your Mistake, but Don’t Dwell on It

We’re all human, and we all make mistakes. Owning up to your faux pas is the first step in recovering from it.

The message is that apologizing too much or dwelling too much on a bad first impression can make for a much more awkward situation than the one you’re trying to resolve in the first place.

4. Apologize Later, Even If Time Has Passed


Often people stall at making an apology because they are not sure if one is necessary, and then when they decide they should apologize or explain away their bad first impression, they are not sure if they should even proceed because too much time has passed.

The truth is, even if you apologize hours or days later, people often appreciate the gesture.

5. Pivot

One of the best approaches for recovering from a bad first impression is to pivot by showing off a different and more favorable side of your personality. In other words, if you tried to crack a joke and it fell flat, then demonstrate sincerity. Or if you tried to be sincere and it rang hollow, then demonstrate compassion. Pivoting to focus on a different aspect of your personality may help to reshape the perception of your character and value.

6. Be Consistent Over Time

Another way of responding to a bad first impression is by demonstrating sincerity and consistency over time following that first poor showing. This approach is harder and obviously is more of a long game, but ultimately can cement stronger relationships. “What is harder — and what most people don’t do — is correct a bad first impression through your actions of how you care later.

First Impressions Are Not Last Impressions


I want to make one final point about recovering from bad first impressions. Although we tend to put a lot of pressure on ourselves to make a good one – in fact, life coaches and cosmetics and clothing companies make billions each year off that one basic human desire – the truth is that first impressions are not last impressions.

At a certain point, you must let go of the experience. Often we are far harder on ourselves than anyone else is. Although you might beat yourself up for weeks over some throwaway comment you utter at a meeting, everyone else might have already forgotten about it before they even left the room. So learn from your mistake and move on.

Why Your First Impression Matters